When talking to people and reading about going travelling, we heard that there were likely to be a couple of difficult times. One on first arrival at a country very different to home, and one a month or two in when it really sinks in that this isn’t just a holiday.

When leaving for this trip and discussing this blog, lots of people asked us to write about the lows as well as the highs, so here’s my first try at that.

Yesterday morning we landed in Bangkok (can’t believe it was so recently), worked our way through customs and immigration, and got on the train to the city centre. On this train was when it sunk in for me…

I was rationally totally aware that we were going travelling, and we had been dealing with the emotions of saying ‘goodbye’ to our loved ones (or ‘see you soon’ if you’ve read Goodbyes & Expectations) but I guess my emotions hadn’t caught onto the idea of leaving home for a year.

I was expecting culture shock, and of course had expected homesickness in a form, but on that train was really hit by the idea of being away from home for a year. Away from the people, the places, from all familiarity, into not one but many cultures with which I am totally unfamiliar. While this may not be a thing for many people used to such travels, I’ve led a very settled life, so really felt the hit.

I felt displaced, lost, unsure of my identity or purpose. It was really quite unpleasent. Yet this is entirely voluntary. I had chosen to displace myself, and had saved and planned for it for many years, it was not forced but a long term ambition. To be displaced is to have a greater body push you out, and that is certainly not our case.

Within 24 hours the initial jolt of this had worn off. I don’t doubt that I will struggle with these feelings on and off for a while, but I am feeling far more settled about it now. It did cause some reflection though.

If I felt like this through voluntary displacement, what would it feel like to be involuntarily displaced, to be forced from my home? We have an end date, our house, our friends, our possessions are still back at home. For those truly displaced persons none of this applies, and that must really suck! This is certainly not news, I knew it before and I’m sure anyone reading this does too, but I learned a little from the experience.

For better or worse, I seek purpose in life, I seek clarity and definition, and enjoy finding that clarity from the haze. Arguable this is a hallmark of my profession, taking a chaotic situation and finding the calm and clarity. Ness is more able to take things in her stride, she didn’t have the same feelings as I did, and is more comfortable with the vague nature that defines travelling.

I did find my comfort though in sitting down and us discussing why we were travelling, what we really wanted to get out of this year. It was something we had always planned to discuss but had never prioritised. I found my clarity, we now have a structure and a purpose, and so I feel myself again.